Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm tired and blah

I was thinking about how people always put on a "happy" face in public. We tend to not show any negative feelings (unless in extreme circumstances--like when the Colts lose). And I was thinking about how people's personal blogs lean towards the happy topics. After all, who wants to read a bunch of negative Nellie's thoughts?

But, I'm breaking from that tradition. Partly because I just like being a rebel. And partly because the reality of life is that not every day is a Glorious Utopia type of day.

I'm sad. And hurt. And confused. And tired. About a lot of things that I will not go into, but just know that I just don't want to deal with people or things right now. And that's just not an option. Why can't we just spend a week inside a secluded area and have absolutely no one to call us, nag us, worry about us, think about us? I just want some time alone to suck my thumb, snuggle into my blankie, and escape from reality.

Instead, I go to work and put on my happy face. I talk to people when they call me and sound excited for life. I still shop and eat and pay my bills. But I don't want to.

And although I'm excited to go to Mexico for Christmas, there is a part of me that wishes I could use that time to just hide in my house, watch reruns of Friends, eat Oreo cookies, and turn off the phone. But if I did that, then I would be 50 pounds heavier, living in the past, and saying to everyone, "How you doin'?"

So, I'll continue with my happy face in public. But, I just don't have the energy for posting on a blog. I have some ideas for blog posts. Maybe I'll use the time in Mexico to work on those in preparation for the new year.

7 comments:

~pollyanna said...

To my way of thinking your desires for "down-time" are perfectly acceptable... it is the person that wallows in this mood that is hard for me to relate to... I have a three day rule... after three days I have to snap out of any doldrums I might be in... so far this approach has worked to keep me out of depression, but I don't have to pretend what I don't feel 24/7...

Generally if someone catches me on a down-time cycle I will state something like... catch me tomorrow (or in a couple days) when I can be more upbeat... today is just not one of those days... etc. I find people I know in real-life appreciate knowing that I DO have down days... the hard part with online friends is that I just DON'T usually post when I feel like that... Sometimes I write it down and it just stays in my journal... so they tend to think I am never down... I doubt that is true for anyone... even the most upbeat Pollyanna type...

Funny Farmer said...

Ah ha! So that's why you ignored my chat this morning and went offline. I get it. You're avoiding me! Well Fine than. Humph.

(Two can play at that game, you know.) :wink:

Love ya girl!

Tricia said...

I don't know, the Friends reruns and Oreos sound pretty good. I would say that I'd join you, but I guess that would kind of break the rules of ignoring the world. Hang in there!

darthgoofy said...

I'd come over and suck your thumb.

So, instead of posting uplifting things to help you through your times of trial, I'll wallow in your self-pity. I am not enjoying life either. It sucks when there are double-standards and you get caught on the bad end of the standards. I know you'll get through your things and I'll get through mine... but I agree. When do we get our time to yell and scream at the world that life is unfair? So, I don't like Oreos, but how about you watch your Friends reruns and I'll watch my Friends reruns and we can consume the cookies of our choosing. I am unsure what I'd end up saying as a result... Tricia and I already say, "Awesome" all of the time (thanks to Mike in season 10, when he introduces Pheobe to his parents). I'd probably just end up acting like Chandler more than I already do.

Monica said...

yes - let's all just stay in. i would be happy with that! my kids already know i am a great big grump. so i won't have to pretend anymore either! what channel are friends reruns on anyway? we don't have cable remember.... i love ya! i love that song ole lang sine (however you spell it). thanks for the email to let me know you were thinking about me!!!

Mary Ann said...

My problem is, I don't have time to do that and if I did I may not ever come out of it. But, I know how you feel. There are LOT'S of days I feel that way.

Yesterday at work it seemed as if everyone must have taken a "grumpy pill" when they woke up and I found myself wondering "Why am I trying to be cheerful when most people could care less if I am or not?"

Once in awhile though, we get a person or two who is friendly back.

Melinda said...

Yeah, all that. With Dirk gone, I've got this idea that I've got to be all chipper, because if I admit I'm not, whoever I'm talking to really really wants to help me. And there's nothing they can help with, you know? Some days I just want to admit that things are sucky without then apologizing that there's nothing my patient listener can do about it.

Did I really just complain that people want to help me? I'm such an ungrateful ingrate.

But yeah, I get sick of the happy face too. I don't dare blog about those days, though. Too many family members read my blog.