Thursday, November 20, 2008

Don't you like me?

Have you ever made an instant connection with someone before? I have on a few occasions. I remember one in particular. We just hit if off almost from the moment we met. From that moment on, we communicated several times a day. I enjoyed her company tremendously. She is a funny, spiritual, intelligent, and fantastic woman.

After developing a friendship for so long, one day it seemed to disappear. It happened so subtly that I'm still not sure how it happened. Did I say something? Did I do something? Was I no longer interesting? Did she find a new connection? It just seemed as if our communications that were so frequent and done on a daily basis slowly dissipated. Suddenly, she couldn't talk or spend time with me. Other things had become a priority.

And I understood. I know that relationships do change and that I will not take center stage in anyone's life. But certainly, I deserve at least some time, right?

Unfortunately, I internalized everything and thought that I must have done or said something to cause this and so, not wanting to confront anything unpleasant, didn't communicate my feelings or thoughts with this friend. As a result, we drifted apart until even polite conversations seemed strained and stilted.

On occasion I communicate with this friend. Each time I miss the camaraderie we had before. As I contemplate our past escapades together, a small smile appears (you know, the kind that comes from reminiscing about an intimate friend). And wish I had tried harder to preserve at least a semblance of that friendship.

Sometimes I wish for the school days when I could have another friend pass her a note which says, "If you like beefche, check this box." And then I'd know. Instead, I think about her and our conversations and continually wonder what I coulda, shoulda, woulda done to change things.

4 comments:

~pollyanna said...

Well, even though I can't be called the kind of friend you describe... I just wanted you to know I am around any time you need a friend! Many years ago I drifted away from a friend in this way too... eventually the friendship was lost...

Recently [in less than one year] I lost 2 good friends [one local, one long distance] to long battles with cancer...

I am convinced that no matter how you lose a friend it hurts just as deep.

Monica said...

Just bite the bullet and call this person!!! I love ya!!! :)

Monica said...

On second thought... gimmie the note. I will give it to her!

Tricia said...

Sometimes this same question keeps me awake at night! When there is someone that I feel I've drifted from, and can't figure out why, I lay in bed and replay in my mind all of the past interactions (that I can remember) searching for thing that I said or did to cause the drift. So frustrating!